my feeling(twirlers)

I feel very unhappy yesterday...This is not the 1st time that i feel unhappy in twirlers...
IS my SENSITIVE or this is the REAL?
I feel in twirlers i am no in any group...New recruitment group i have no chance to decide any thing,
In ring nobody can see me...
i am very happy have this chance to dance with rings,but now....
i am the superfluous,i am the unnecessary...
I start to suspect am i a useless people??
Every time in new recruitment group,Wai San always is the best...
Without me,she also can lead the group..Every time i want to join back to ring group,i always is the lonely...
i just stand at the back,just follow,no body will care about no matter i learn or don't learn...
When they discuss something,i just stand a side like a outsider...
I don't know all about ring,i don't know any things...
New Recruitment group,i also don't know any things...My FEEL just like i am already not a member of ring,not a leader of new recruitment...
Where am i???
Ring group is my prove into the"high mountains"....Now i not in ring group,what i feel???
Su Pian is make a lot of effort to ring,i notice that too...
BUT i very very sad,when i go to practice,i don't have any feel already...
I go to practice i a responsibility only,i cannot find any happy in twirlers...
Now i only chanting can release my sadness,only“御本尊”know my real feeling...
When i can found back the "real me"???
The sweet memory in ring,just a memory in my life,i cannot foud back already...